


The Only Person I am Living For

by Ultamania



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Obsession, Stalking, just vanitas being creepy, starts off kinda toxic, this is just going to mostly be vanitas being obssessed with kairi and stalking her and what not, vanitas kinda redeems himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-30 04:32:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15089057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultamania/pseuds/Ultamania
Summary: Vanitas remembers that warmth he felt while he was inside Sora's heart. It made him feel whole, like he had a heart. But when that warmth left, Vanitas wanted nothing more than to find it again, to consume and use that light for himself so he can finally get a heart and become his own person.When he finds out that the warmth belongs to Kairi, he follows Kairi and becomes her shadow so he can gain her trust so he can take her light for himself. However, after following her around, he starts to grow fonder of her and her smile.





	1. Searching

**Author's Note:**

> People were asking for this, so here.

He can never forget that warmth. He didn’t know who it was, but that incredible warmth and light made him feel like he was whole, and that he had a heart. He only experienced that warmth very briefly and that was when he was in Sora’s heart. He was still being overshadowed by Ventus, but even despite that, when that warmth came in, it was like nothing he’s ever felt before. He thought he was whole with Ven, but when this light came into Sora’s heart, he realized that he needed that warmth, that light. He had to have it, it needed to be his. All Vanitas ever wanted, was to become whole. To be his own person and to have his own heart.

As quickly as that warmth came, it was gone. Vanitas quickly became very lonely, but he also became more determined than ever. He will find that warmth again and it will be his.

“Then take it.” A voice called out to Vanitas from inside Sora’s heart. It sounded familiar but Vanitas was sure that he’s never heard it before. After hearing that voice, he woke up in a strange world. He was in the center of a white circular stage with chairs surrounding him. The chairs varied in height but they all sat in a neat circle. There was 13 in all.

Vanitas didn’t know who that voice belonged to, nor did he care. He was free from Sora’s heart, now he could go find that warmth, but first, he should pay a visit to his good friend Ven who was still sleeping in Sora’s heart.

 

-

 

Vanitas followed his connection to Ven’s heart into a world of monsters. They weren’t exactly scary, but they were still calling themselves monsters nonetheless. They were here, both Sora and Ven were here somewhere. He followed his connection and this eventually brought him to Sora, standing with his two comrades and a couple other denizens of this world. Ven was still inside Sora’s heart, he could feel it.

“I need the half of me that sleeps in you, Sora.” Vanitas approached Sora holding his keyblade towards him. Sora looked like a strange cat with fins.

“Vanitas!” Sora said, shocked at his own words. Sora has never met Vanitas before, didn’t even know who he was. All this time he was in his heart and Sora never even noticed.

Under his mask, Vanitas smirked. “So this is where you slithered off to, Ventus.” Vanitas lowered his keyblade and reached his hand out towards Sora. “You insignificant speck.”

Sora slapped Vanitas’ hand away and stepped back closer to his friends and drew forth his keyblade.

Vanitas sighed and shrugged. “Please, I don’t want to fight you. I came for the opposite actually. I need your help.”

“Help with what?” Sora slightly snarled at him.

“You see, you have something in your heart that will help me become whole again. A heart that I need to complete my own.”

“What are you talking about?”

Vanitas pointed a slightly shaky finger at Sora. “Ventus.”

Sora tilted his head slightly, confused about what Vanitas was saying, but Sora never lowered his guard. “I don’t know who that is, and I don’t care. You’re with the darkness and I won’t let you have them!”

Vanitas sighed again. “I always knew you were annoying. This whole time that I was in your heart, you just exuded kindness and it made me sick.” Vanitas turned his back on Sora. “If you won’t give me Ven, that’s fine, I’ll just take something else from you… like that warm heart full of light that joined yours sometime ago…” Vanitas glanced at Sora.

This caused something in Sora to trigger. He dropped his keyblade and when it hit the floor, it vanished. Sora then approached Vanitas and grabbed him by the collar.

“Leave Kairi alone!” Sora shouted.

Kairi? So that was her name.

Vanitas shrugged. “Don’t worry, I won’t harm a hair on her pretty little head. You have my word. But… You seem so adamant on not giving me Ven, so I’ll just to use her light to become whole. My heart full of darkness and her heart full of light, seems like a perfect match, no?”

“Kairi will never help someone like you!” Sora spat at him.

Vanitas smiled. “Of course not! That’s why I’ll make sure she can’t say no to me.” Vanitas grabbed Sora’s arm and wretched it from his collar and tossed Sora aside. He then held his hand out and opened a portal of darkness. “Farewell, Sora, Ven! Maybe the next time I see you, I’ll be whole and me and Kairi will be the best of friends!” Vanitas laughed before entering the portal. The last thing he heard was Sora calling out his name before the portal closed.

 

-

 

Kairi. Kairi. That was all he could think of. He became so obsessed with that name, that it was all he could ever think about. That warmth her heart provided, how full of light it was. Vanitas wanted nothing more than that heart for himself. To use and and consume it so all that warmth and all that light would finally make him whole.

He needed to find her. He needed her. Nothing else mattered to him but her.

Vanitas lurked in the shadows. He came across a mysterious tower where someone named Master Yen Sid resided. He entered the building quietly, being sure to stick to the shadows. As long as he used the darkness for cover, no one would know he was here.

The only people in the tower was the master himself, the king, Mickey, and some other kid that Vanitas felt like he was very familiar to him. They were talking about something that Vanitas didn’t care for. All he cared about was Kairi and how to find her. He did hear them mention Aqua’s name and how they made it too late, but Vanitas did not care about what happened to that woman or her fate. If she was gone, good.

“What about Kairi and Lea’s training?” Mickey asked.

Vanitas began to pay attention.

“Their progress is coming along smoothly. It should be only a matter of time before they complete their training.” Yen Sid said.

“We could use their help. After what happened to Aqua… We can use all the keyblade wielders we can get.” The boy with Silver hair said.

Yen Sid contemplated this. “You are quite right. Kairi is princess of heart and her light may prove beneficial to saving Aqua from the darkness. They also have a past together, maybe just seeing Kairi could help Aqua as well.”

Vanitas didn’t care about any of this, he just wanted to know where Kairi was.

“Kairi and Lea are finishing their training up in the world where it all began and where it all ended. They should be done soon enough so we’ll wait for their arrival here.”

Where it all began and where it all ended? What did that mean. Vanitas thought. He could only think of one place that Master Xehanort told him about, where the war took place. The Keyblade Graveyard. That’s where he’ll go.

 

-

 

As soon as Vanitas entered this world, he felt that warmth again. Kairi was definitely here. Her light was so strong that it’s presence could be felt in this otherwise desolate world. He followed the light away from the keyblade graveyard towards a town. A clock tower stood in the center of the town, slowly ticking away. Vanitas walked around the town and noticed how quiet it was, not a single soul resided here, this place was completely deserted.

He then came across a hill that overlooked the town and the clock tower and there she was. She wore a pink dress and had short red hair. Her eyes were the brightest shade of blue he had ever seen and she was standing next to man with fiery red hair and green eyes, Vanitas could only assume that this was Lea.

This warmth was nothing like he’s ever felt before. He could feel himself tremble with excitement at how close he was to her. He wanted to absorb that light into himself so he can finally truly be whole. But he needed to talk to her, and only her. Lea had to go away. He wouldn’t attack them, no that would make winning Kairi over harder. He would just have to wait. He’ll follow her and watch her like her very own shadow.

The two of them weren’t doing much. They were looking for something, but weren’t finding anything. They fought heartless here and there and Vanitas was truly impressed by Kairi’s fighting ability. It reminded him of Aqua and he hated how Aqua influenced Kairi.

Then the moment Vanitas was waiting for finally arrived, the two of them split up to cover more ground. Now was his chance. Now Vanitas can get up close and feel Kairi’s warmth up close and personally.

He followed Kairi to a fountain that wasn’t on and it was completely dried up. She noticed some dandelions in a patch of grass across the way and went over to it. She crouched down and plucked one. No was his chance.

Vanitas emerged from the shadows and carefully approached Kairi, her warmth practically made him giddy. “Hello, princess.”

Kairi tensed. She quickly stood up and armed herself with her own keyblade and pointed at Vanitas. “Who are you?”

Vanitas raised his hands. “I’m not here to hurt you. I promise.”

Kairi arched an eyebrow. “You come from the darkness.”

“How perceptive of you! Yes, I come from the darkness, but not to hurt you, but to instead ask for your help.”

Kairi lowered her keyblade slightly. “You want my help?”

Vanitas lowered his hands and nodded. “Yes. Sora tells me your the person to go to for my problem. He said you could help me.”

“Sora? You know Sora?” She asked.

“I guess you can say,” Vanitas removed his helmet, revealing his black hair and gold eyes and a face identical to Sora’s. “We have a very special connection.”

Kairi was completely frozen and in shock at seeing Vanitas’ face, but she wasn’t afraid, she had a fire in her eyes. Her keyblade vanished in a gleam of light. “What do you need help with?”

Vanitas smiled. “You see, I was born from the darkness inside someone’s heart and used as a tool for Master Xehanort. However, despite being his tool, I had other goals in mind.”

“Like what?” Kairi asked.

“All I wanted, was to become whole. To have my own heart and to be my own person.”

“You want a heart?” 

Vanitas nodded. “More than anything. Sora currently has my other half in his heart, but doesn’t want to give him to me. That’s fine, I don’t need him. But he also tells me that your heart is so full of light, that you could probably help me get my own heart.”

Kairi looked down thinking about what he was saying.

“So that’s why I’m here. I came seeking help. So let me ask you this: Will you help me? Help me find my own heart?”

Kairi still didn’t look at Vanitas. “How can I be sure you’re not lying?”

Vanitas smiled. “I can give you my word, but whether or not you take it, is entirely up to you.” Vanitas held his hand out towards Kairi. “So, what’ll be?”

Kairi stared at Vanitas’ hand before staring at Vanitas and she slowly reached her hand out towards Vanitas and took her hand in his.


	2. Longing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually enjoy writing this.

As soon as Kairi took Vanitas’ hand, he smirked and twirled her around before pulling her close to him. “Thank you, princess! I promise you won’t regret this decision.”

“Uh, right.” Kairi broke free from Vanitas’ grip, fixing her hair and smoothing her dress out. “So what happens now?”

“Nothing! I’ll just follow you around and hopefully while on your journey, I find a heart of my own.”

“I don’t know how everyone else is going to feel about this…”

“Oh you don’t have to worry about them. They won’t even know I’m here!” Vanitas approached Kairi. “I’m very good at hiding.” Vanitas stepped behind Kairi and placed his hands on her shoulders, doing his best not to take her and her warm light right now. “I’ll be your shadow. Always following you, always watching. You won’t even know I’m here!”

“You’ll be my shadow?” Kairi lightly touched her necklace and looked down.

“Exactly! Everyone has a shadow, and I’ll be yours. If you ever need me though, all you have to do is call, and I’ll be there.”

Kairi continued to look down before finally nodding. “Okay.”

“Kairi!”

Kairi perked up. It was Lea, he was looking for her.

Lea’s fiery red hair popped out from around the corner and joined Kairi. “Did you find anything?”

“Uh…” Kairi turned around, expecting to see Vanitas, but he wasn’t there.

Vanitas was already lurking in the shadows, no longer visible to any of them. But he was there, carefully watching. He was so close to her light, he could feel it in the palm of his hands, how soft, gentle and warm it was. It made him feel excited, but it also made him crave it even more. He wanted to control it, use it, consume it, he wanted to make Kairi and her light his.

“I found some dandelions!” Kairi said quickly. She kneeled down and plucked a dandelion and held it up to Lea. “Wanna make a wish?”

Lea stared at the dandelion, then at Kairi. “Not really.”

Kairi pouted. “You’re no fun! I’ll just make a wish then!” Kairi turned away from Lea and was now facing Vanitas, but she didn’t see him.

Vanitas reached a shaky hand out towards Kairi. He was so close.

Kairi then closed her eyes and mumbled her wish, causing Vanitas to freeze. He shouldn’t be too hasty, he could ruin everything. He needed to be patient. He needed to learn more about Kairi and what he could use against her to take advantage of her trust. He pulled his hand back and stepped away from Kairi as she blew on the dandelion causing the little puffs to scatter in the wind.

 

-

 

Vanitas continued to watch Kairi from then on out. He lurked in her shadow, following her every movement.

Kairi and Lea continued to look for whatever it was they were looking for and they found an entrance to the clock tower and ventured inside. They fought heartless down in the waterways since this place was riddled with them. They managed to find a way to the top and they explored the room that looked like a meeting room. It felt familiar to Vanitas, but he knows he’s never been here before, but that must mean Ventus has been here before.

The two of them explored the room, but found nothing. At least, they didn’t find what they were looking for, so they left the clock tower.

A couple more days passed and eventually Kairi and Lea finished their training and headed back to that Mysterious Tower where Master Yen Sid, Mickey, and that other boy was waiting for them.

As they entered the tower and the top room, they were greeted by everyone and Sora was there and he was nearly frantic.

“Kairi! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Sora. Why the worry?”

Sora let out a sigh of relief. “That’s good. I was worried because a few days ago, I ran into someone named Vanitas.”

“Vanitas!?” Mickey exclaimed.

Vanitas could feel his breathing slow.

“Yeah. He was saying something about wanting Ventus’ heart. Said I had it, but I told him no.”

“That’s good! Vanitas is not someone who can be trusted.” Mickey said.

“I had a feeling, but then he mentioned Kairi.” Sora looked to Kairi. “He said he was coming after your light. I got worried cause I didn’t want him to get a hold of you. You haven’t seen him, right?”

Vanitas slightly panicked. Kairi could expose him right here and right now and it would all be over for him. He wouldn’t get a heart and he wouldn’t be able to claim Kairi’s light.

Kairi shook her head. “No. It was just me and Lea, I haven’t seen anyone else.”

Sora let out another sigh of relief. “That’s good. But be careful! Don’t trust that guy! He’s wearing an organization coat and has a dumb helmet on.”

Kairi laughed. “Okay, I’ll be careful.”

Vanitas growled softly. His helmet wasn’t dumb. He took it off and looked at it. Okay, maybe it was a little dumb... He was gonna ditch it.

 

-

 

Kairi was outside of the tower now, sitting at the steps to the entrance. She was looking at the sky before looking down and sighing.

“You know, you could have told them about me.” Vanitas spoke up, sitting next to her.

Kairi jumped slightly. “You scared me!”

Vanitas laughed. “Sorry, princess! Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Why do you call me princess?” Kairi asked.

“You’re a princess, right?”

Kairi pouted. “I guess, but it sounds weird hearing it.”

Vanitas laughed again. “Then I’m going to keep calling you that.”

Kairi continued to pout before sighing. “Okay, whatever.”

“But like I was saying. Why didn’t you tell the others about me? Were you truly trying to keep me safe?”

Kairi looked down and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I had a feeling that they wouldn't trust you, and I didn’t want you guys fighting each other…”

Vanitas looked up at the sky and leaned back against the palms of his hands. “You know if you really don’t trust me, you could have exposed me right then and there and I would have been out of your hair for good.”

“Yeah, I could have.” Kairi looked at Vanitas and smiled. “But I feel like I can trust you. I feel like even though you were born from darkness, you’re not entirely bad.” Kairi stood up and took a few steps forward before turning towards Vanitas, arms behind her back. “And besides, you want a heart right? You can’t be all that bad if you want a heart!”

Vanitas just stared at Kairi. She trusted him? Even though he was going to strip her light from her and use it for himself? She was either very dumb or saw something that Vanitas couldn’t. However, seeing her smile made him feel very strange and he felt his cheeks warm up.

He laughed and stood up, slinging an arm over Kairi’s shoulders. “Princess, you are something else, I’ll tell you! You and I are gonna get along perfectly!”

 

-

 

When Kairi went back inside to join the others again, Master Yen Sid informed Kairi and Lea about Aqua. Before, Vanitas ignored everything about that woman, but he listened this time. She has been wandering around the darkness for the past 10 years and has fell to darkness. They needed to work together to figure out how to save her.

Vanitas couldn’t care less about Aqua. Having her out of the way meant less people to get in the way of him taking Kairi’s light.

When Kairi was asked about her past with Aqua, Kairi claimed that she didn’t know. She didn’t remember anything about her home before the islands.

So Yen Sid had Kairi go on a quest to find a way to unlock those memories. Lea would be accompanying her.

Now Kairi and Lea were on another journey together, this time to unlock Kairi’s memories of her past.

Lea suggested starting with Radiant Gardens because he remembered meeting Ventus there and figured Aqua was probably there too.

The three of them were in Radiant Gardens, looking for clues. Of course Vanitas was hidden in Kairi’s shadow, so he didn’t contribute much to her search. However, he started to notice things about Kairi he didn’t really care to notice before.

Kairi loved flowers. Not only was her keyblade based from flowers, whenever she saw flowers, she would be compelled to look at them or pick some. Lea was constantly pulling her away. She also always touched her necklace when something was bugging her. She was also very expressive. She made pouty faces when Lea teased her, or whenever something made her happy, she smiled brightly.

Not only was Vanitas noticing stuff physically, he was also noticing that Kairi was very strong. She fought heartless with such elegance and prowess that it was hard to believe she was something dainty like a princess. She was also determined, brave, and very kind. She wanted to help out however she could. Vanitas found himself getting more attached to her. Her light was very strong and he wanted to be closer to it.

One night, Kairi stepped out of the place they were staying at for the night and went for a walk. Vanitas wanted to be closer to her, to feel that warmth as closely as he could.

“Out for a midnight stroll?” Vanitas approached Kairi from the shadows.

“Oh, hey Vanitas…” Kairi greeted, her voice trailing off.

Vanitas arched an eyebrow. “Something wrong, princess?”

Kairi shook her head. “Well, kinda.”

Vanitas got close to Kairi and slung an arm over her shoulders, trying his best not to shiver from excitement as he got closer to her light. “Tell me about it.”

The two of them walked around the town.

“Well, everything about this place seems familiar, but I can’t remember anything about it. The King says that he first met me here with my grandmother, but I don’t remember any of it… I still haven’t figured out why.”

Vanitas thought about what she said. “Well maybe something bad happened here and you blocked that memory out?” Vanitas knew this was possible from experience. He was created from the darkness in Ven’s heart. All his bad memories from his past were his memories now. All the suffering he went through made up Vanitas.

“Maybe, but I wish I knew what happened…”

Vanitas didn’t know what to say. He stopped.

“What’s wrong, Vanitas?”

“Why are you so adamant about helping people out? Especially someone you don’t remember? What do you get out of it?”

Kairi thought about Vanitas’ question before looking down and touching her necklace. “Because for as long as I can remember, I always thought being patient and waiting for others to come back would be all the support I could give. But after Riku passed the knowledge of the keyblade to me, I realized that there was much more I could do besides wait.” Kairi stepped forward. “I could fight! I could be there for everyone and provide my support in more ways than just waiting. I don’t want to wait on the sidelines anymore.” Kairi turned to Vanitas and smiled. “I want to be able to protect everyone with everything I got!”

Vanitas felt something churn in his stomach. That smile. Every time she smiled, Vanitas felt very weird. He couldn’t explain it, but he wanted to protect that smile.

Vanitas smiled. “You are truly something else, princess.”

Kairi giggled. “Thank you! But, there’s one more thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m going to call you Vani now.”

Vanitas felt his face grow hot. “What the hell? That’s stupid!”

Kairi laughed. “I think it’s cute! And if you’re going to react like that, I’ll keep it. So from now on I’m going to call you Vani!”

Vanitas sighed and slung his arm over her shoulders again and pulled her close. “If that’s how it’s going to be, then I’ll just keep calling you princess, but I’ll also do this.” Vanitas took Kairi’s hand and stepped before before kneeling down in front of her and kissing her hand lightly.

He glanced up at Kairi and saw that she turned a bright shade of red. She snapped back into reality and playfully pushed Vanitas. “Don’t do that!” She started to laugh.

Vanitas couldn’t help but laugh as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuwa Fuwa.


	3. Forever your Shadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really had fun writing this! I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did writing it! Charlie's art inspired me to write this! So go ahead and give them a follow on twitter or tumblr if you haven't already! Their art is very cool and wonderful!

Vanitas lost track of time after a while. Has it been a few days, weeks, months? He wasn’t too sure, nor did he really care. He started to notice a shift in his behavior. Before he felt more crazed, more obsessed and anxious, but after spending more time with Kairi, he started to feel more relaxed, calm, and even happy.

He couldn’t figure out why the shift in his behavior occurred, but it didn’t really matter to him anymore. The more he looked at Kairi, the more he talked and laughed with her, the more he realized that he didn’t want to take her light for himself, but instead he wanted to protect it. He wanted to make sure that nothing ever happened to her, that no one could hurt her and cause her pain. That was his new obsession, nothing else mattered anymore, just Kairi. Vanitas was prepared to lay his life down in order to keep her safe.

After spending a bit of time in Radiant Garden, Kairi started to act differently. She seemed more deep in thought and sad. Vanitas couldn’t figure out why, everytime he asked about it, she would change the subject or tell him not to worry about it. He wanted to keep asking about it, but figured she would talk when she was ready.

Kairi was always splitting off from Lea to clear her head or catch a break and this is when Vanitas would approach. However, this time was different. Vanitas followed Kairi to the outskirts of town where she was overlooking an ominous castle at the end of a ravine which had heartless spawning in and out of it.

Kairi took a deep breath. “Hey, Vani?”

“Yes, princess?”

“I remember.”

Vanitas stood next to Kairi and looked at her questioningly. “Your past?”

Kairi nodded and touched her necklace. “Master Aqua saved me when I was little from the heartless. She cast a spell to protect me on my necklace.”

That would explain why she always touched her necklace when she was worried. Her heart may have not remembered, but her body did.

“After she left, something happened. I remember some of the researchers taking me away to that castle over there. Saying that my light could save many worlds. I wanted to help, so I went with them. I never got their names, but I definitely know that one of them was Xehanort.”

Vanitas bit his lip. So Xehanort hurt Kairi before. Although he was his master, he didn’t think he could go back to him now. He felt that Kairi was more important than his own safety, master, and life.

“They tried to use my light to open Kingdom Hearts, but something happened… Something went wrong and this terrible darkness spread. It consumed everyone there, including this world. The darkness even took hold of me… If it wasn’t for Aqua’s spell, I may not be here right now…”

Vanitas looked up at the castle. He guessed he was grateful for Aqua now, she saved Kairi and if wasn’t for her, he would have never experienced the warmth of Kairi’s light.

“There’s a darkness in my heart. I can feel it. It’s small, but it’s there…”

“Are you sure it’s not just me?” Vanitas asked.

Kairi shook her head and smiled weakly at Vanitas. “No. It’s different from how you feel.”

“So what did you want to do?”

“I want more answers.” Kairi pointed at the castle. “I’ll get them there.”

Vanitas looked at the castle. He could feel the darkness radiating from it. “I don’t know, princess… looks kinda dangerous. The darkness from that place might make the darkness grow in you.”

Kairi smiled. “Well, that’s why you’re here, right?”

“I’m not your bodyguard.”

Kairi smirked. “Oh? Even though lately you’ve been more concerned for my well-being and going out of your way to attack heartless in areas we’re about to go into?”

Vanitas’ face burned. How did she know about that? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Kairi grinned. “Of course not! Let’s go!” She took Vanitas’ hand and pulled him along as they carefully trekked closer to the castle, they fought heartless along the way and Vanitas enjoyed fighting alongside Kairi more than he thought he would.

They made it to the castle and Vanitas could slowly feel himself losing himself. He wanted to kill, consume, just attack everything and everyone in sight. The darkness was overbearing. Vanitas may have came from darkness, but he understood full well that too much darkness can erase a person’s sanity as well as their common sense.

“Vani?” Kairi glanced at Vanitas.

Vanitas didn’t realize how much effort he was putting into staying in control. “I-I’m fine…”

Kairi pouted. “Don’t lie to me.” She took his hand. “I can feel it. The darkness is very strong here. Even the small amount of darkness in my heart is trying to break Aqua’s spell… So we gotta stay close!” She smiled.

As soon as Kairi took his hand, Vanitas felt better. Her light was much more stronger than the darkness here. He could feel himself coming to his senses again. He nodded. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

The two of them ventured inside the castle, expecting heartless galore, but it was empty. The darkness was so strong in this place that not even heartless could spawn here. There was not much to this place here, it was very run-down and nearly collapsing in on itself.

“I remember this place… This is wear I woke up after Sora-” Kairi looked down and shook her head. “Let’s go this way.”

Kairi led Vanitas up several sets of lifts. Each leading to different places. She pressed several switches and buttons here and there, they went back and forth. Kairi obviously knew what she was doing and Vanitas didn’t have the gall to question her.

They eventually made it to a room where at the end was a giant heart-shaped portal. It was off, but Vanitas got a bad feeling from it.

“This is where it happened…” Kairi walked to the portal.

Vanitas followed closely after her, making sure nothing jumped out and attacked her.

“This is where they tried to open Kingdom Hearts… It didn’t work and they instead opened a portal to darkness.”

“It seems like you already know everything, princess.” Vanitas commented. “You said you wanted more answers, but you already have them. So why are we really here?”

Kairi looked shocked, but looked down. “I can’t really fool you, huh?”

“Nor can you fool yourself, princess.” Another voice said.

Kairi and Vanitas both looked in the direction the voice came from and saw a Green woman dressed in Black. She had an ominous aura surrounding her.

“Maleficent…”  Kairi said lowly.

Maleficent smiled. “To think a princess of light would go to such lengths to come to a place like this and keep a secret from a friend. Maybe the darkness in your heart is truly getting stronger.”

Kairi looked down, not saying anything.

Vanitas stepped in front of her and summoned his keyblade. “Leave.”

“My how protective! You may not be Sora, but you are quite similar in a lot of ways.”

Vanitas snarled. He hated being compared to someone else. If it’s not Ven, it’s Sora. He didn’t want to be compared to them, he wanted to be seen as his own person.

“Maybe you should know the truth. How Kairi only brought you here so she can destroy this place and everything about her past.” Maleficent smiled.

“What?” Vanitas looked back at Kairi who continued to look down.

“There’s a darkness in her heart and remembering the past is making it grow. She realizes this and in a futile attempt to rid the darkness in her heart, she wants to destroy her past. Little does she she know that doing that will only make the darkness grow stronger.”

Kairi looked up, on the verge of tears.

Vanitas has had enough. “Look here, lady! You may think that I’m like Sora, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I’m NOT Sora, nor am I anything like him. If you think I’m going to try to stop princess here from destroying this place, then you have another thing coming. Not only will I let her destroy this place, but I’ll help her. The princess here isn’t some weak girl who’ll let a little darkness take over her heart!”

Maleficent glared at him. “Insolent boy! You may think that you’re safe from the darkness, but in the end it will fester and grow until there is nothing left. The stronger Kairi’s light becomes, the stronger the darkness becomes as well. Nothing you do will prevent your fate!” And in a flash of green flames, she vanished.

Vanitas sighed. “Crazy hag. What’s her deal?” He glanced at Kairi and saw she was slightly trembling, fighting back tears. Vanitas approached her. “Hey, if you think I’m upset, I’m not.”

Kairi shook her head. “That’s not it… What she said about the darkness in my heart is true. It’s getting stronger, I can feel it. It’s going to get to the point where I won’t be able to control it. When I figured that out, I thought maybe destroying this place would help… But I don’t think it will…”

Vanitas looked around. “I mean, do you want to try? I’m all for it.”

Kairi smiled before laughing slightly. “No. It’s fine. Let’s just head back.”

Kairi made her way out of the room and Vanitas followed.  Their walk back was relatively quiet, both of them were at a loss for words. When they finally made it back into town, Vanitas decided now was the time to speak up.

“What’s on your mind, princess?”

Kairi sighed. “Not much, to be honest. Though, I am a little worried… The darkness in my heart continues to grow, now that I remember my past, and nothing I do will stop it. I’m afraid that I’ll lose control and hurt everyone…”

Vanitas looked up at the sky. “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

Kairi glanced at Vanitas. “What do you mean?”

“You have people who care for you, want to keep you safe and happy and whatnot. I’m pretty sure if you tell them what’s going on, they won’t let you fall to darkness.” Vanitas shrugged. “And so what if you have a little darkness in your heart. Just because you’re a princess of light, doesn’t mean you can’t have a little darkness. You just got to make the darkness work for you. Instead of the darkness using you, you use it. Use it for yourself and your goals and you’ll be fine, it won’t hurt you.”

Kairi stared at Vanitas with wide eyes.

“What?”

“I wasn’t expecting you to say something like that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, huh? I can’t be philosophical or encouraging? Is that what you mean?”

Kairi glared at Vanitas and put her hands on her hips. “That’s not what I meant!” She yelled, causing Vanitas to jump slightly. “I just know that sometimes you have a hard time conveying your emotions or talking with other people, so hearing you say something like that makes me happy.” She smiled.

“Happy? Why?”

“Cause it shows that I’m doing something right. Remember, we’re trying to get you a heart.”

Vanitas forgot that their original deal was to get himself a heart. He was so focused on Kairi that he completely forgot. Vanitas looked away. What would happen if he got a heart, would they part ways? He didn’t want to leave Kairi…

“But… Thanks Vani, for coming with me. I don’t think I would have managed by myself.”

“Of course, princess. Remember, wherever you go, I go. I am your shadow after all…”

Kairi nodded and smiled. “I’m glad.”

They then made it to the place Kairi was staying in for the night and Kairi went inside while Vanitas sat outside. He felt a pounding in his chest.

 

-

 

The next day, Kairi told Lea that she remembered her past and Aqua and possibly knows a way to help. So they all returned to the Mysterious Tower and Kairi told everyone about her past. She also told them that the spell Aqua casted on her when she was younger could probably help them. So they devised a plan. They would venture into the darkness in 3 days time to save Aqua. As much as Vanitas did not want to save that women, he at least wanted to show some gratitude towards her since she saved Kairi long ago.

Kairi spent most of her time with her friends. Telling them stories of when she was training, of her past, and of her battles. Everyone seemed to be having fun and enjoying each other’s company. Vanitas couldn’t help but wonder if he ended up getting a heart, would he be able to make friends? Be able to share laughs and stories with them? What would happen to him and Kairi? After he gets a heart, would Kairi want to be his friend? Or would they part ways?

Vanitas heard a faint whispering coming from outside in the hall. He left Kairi and her friends as he went to investigate. In the shadows lurked someone wearing a cloak similar to his and they had the hood up.

“Why would she want to stay with someone like you?” The voice asked.

“What?”

“You are nothing but tool for darkness and that’s all you’ll ever be. You can’t possibly believe that something like you is capable of having a heart.”

Vanitas wanted to disagree, but couldn’t come up with the words so he looked down.

“You are nothing but darkness and you will always be undeserving of a light as pure as hers. Your darkness is also putting her at risk. The darkness in her heart is beginning to blossom and it’s feeding off your darkness.”

“That’s not true! Is it..?” 

“It’s very true. Kairi will fall to darkness, and it will be your fault. Someone like her deserves far greater. You are nothing but a hindrance to her. A shadow that will always be forgotten.”

The things this person was saying stung. He knew it was true, all of it. But why did hearing it make the pain feel much worse? Not only that, but why did he feel pain to begin with? He had no heart to feel with.

“If you truly care for the girl, you would leave her. Allow her to find strength to overcome the darkness in her heart on her own. Stop holding her back.”

The figure vanished into the darkness, leaving Vanitas alone. He looked down. They were right. He was following a fruitless dream. He could never attain a heart. He was never meant to exist in the first place. He was only created to be a tool for Master Xehanort’s plan and that was it. He didn’t deserve a heart, nor was he even capable of having one.

Later that night, Vanitas waited till everyone was asleep, including Kairi. This whole time he wanted that light for himself, and if he was going to take it, now was the time. He needed to stop following a fruitless dream and get what he wanted in the first place: Kairi’s light.

He entered her room quietly and loomed over her bed. She continued to sleep peacefully. Either she had no idea he was here, or she trusted to be safe. But Vanitas was just her shadow, so he wouldn’t be surprised if she’s forgotten him.

Vanitas leaned down close to Kairi, his face a near inches away from hers. He could feel her breath lightly touch his face. She was so pure, so warm, so kind and caring. He could remember all the laughs and smiles they shared, the light touches and playful pushes. The warmth he felt in his chest and on his body whenever he felt her touch him. It was nearly paralyzing.

He lightly caressed her face. He wanted her. Everything about her. He wanted it for himself, to hold and caress, to kiss and to hug. He never felt like this before and it confused him as to why all of a sudden he started to feel like this. He found himself leaning closer to her face. She was like a drug to him, he couldn’t control himself. He was addicted to her and her light and he just wanted to consume it.

He froze. He remembered all the talks they had. All the laughs and teasing. She trusted him, she saw him as a person. She was the only one to treat him like a regular person, not a tool for darkness, but just as a person. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve to be controlled or used by him, she deserved so much more. She especially didn’t deserve someone like him by her side…

Vanitas moved away from Kairi. His chest was pounding, his breath was shallow and his face felt hot. That guy was right, he didn’t deserve to be by her side. He was her shadow and it would be best if he was forgotten like one.

He quickly left her room and exited the tower. He felt guilty that he was leaving without saying anything, without giving a reason or saying goodbye, but he knew it would be better this way, better for her. He looked up at the tower one last time.

This is goodbye, princess… Thank you.

He turned away and went to make a portal to darkness.

“Vanitas!”

Vanitas quickly turned and saw Kairi running at him, gasping for air.

“Why the hurry, princess?”

“Why are you leaving?” She gasped.

Vanitas looked down and sighed. She was a tough one to keep secrets from. “You don’t need someone like me getting in your way. You have friends who can do more for you than me. I’ll just get in the way.”

“That’s not true! That’s not true at all!”

Vanitas shrugged. “Not how I see it. You have a lot on your plate already, you don’t need to add getting some random guy from darkness a heart to it.”

Kairi looked down.

“Besides, I’ll only make the darkness worse in your heart since I’m darkness myself. It would be better for you if I left.”

“But…”

Vanitas waved his hand in front of his face. “No buts, princess. I already know you’ll thank me for this later, if we ever meet again that is.” He turned to the portal. “I’m just a shadow anyways, you’ll forget about me eventually.” Vanitas stepped into the portal. “Well, I’ll be leaving, princess! I wish you the best of luck! Oh, and thanks for the journey, it was fun.” 

Vanitas could feel the ache in his chest grow and grow. He didn’t want to leave, but he also didn’t want to hurt Kairi either. Staying by her side would only make matters worse for her. He was nothing, and she was everything. She deserved so much more. Vanitas started to walk further into the portal when Kairi tackled him from behind. The two of them came crashing down to the floor. The portal closed.

“Jeez, what the hell, princess? Can’t you just accept my farewell and be on your merry way?”

Kairi shook her head quickly. She was on top of him using her weight to keep him down. Her shoulders heaved as she cried.

“Why are you making decisions without asking me how I feel?” She said between sobs.

“What?”

Kairi looked at Vanitas, eyes red and full of tears. “You say I’ll be better off if you left but did you think about how I would feel if you left? You say I’ll be fine, but did you hear me say that I would be fine if you left?”

Vanitas couldn’t meet Kairi’s gaze, he looked away.

“I don’t want you to leave, Vani! I like you! I trust you! I know that you’ll never do anything to hurt me and that you just want to be your own person! I believe in you!”

Vanitas’ eyes grew wide. She liked him? Trusted him? But how? All he cared for was himself. How could she possibly believe in him?

Kairi sat up, still on top of Vanitas. “I knew that when I first met you, you wanted to take my light so you could have a heart.”

She knew? This whole time she knew his true intentions but she still chose to trust him?

“But I sensed something in you, something that I don’t think you realized yet.”

“What’s that?”

Kairi lightly touched Vanitas’ chest. “You already have a heart…”

“What? Are you crazy? There’s no way someone like me could have a heart! I’m just a tool to be used! I’m no one special…”

Kairi shook her head. “You’re wrong. If you were just a tool, you wouldn’t be so desperate for heart, to become your own person. You wouldn’t be able to laugh or care like you do. I knew from the moment I met you that you already had a heart, I just wanted to help you see that too…”

Everything started to hit Vanitas like a truck. He noticed a shift in his behavior. A shift from wanting to take Kairi’s light to protecting it. From enjoying her smiles, her laughs, and her presence. He just wanted to be around Kairi. All the pains he felt in his chest, and the heat he felt in his face and the churning in his stomach, were not some random occurrences, it was because he had a heart, this whole time, and he loved Kairi. So much so that it ached him when he decided to leave.

Vanitas looked at Kairi sitting on top of him and felt his face grow hot and the pounding in his chest, which was his heart racing, grow faster. He really did love her.

“Please don’t go… Please…” Kairi started to cry again, doing her best to wipe the tears away that just kept coming.

Vanitas sighed. Everything made sense now and he felt much more relaxed. He did his best to sit up and pulled Kairi into a hug. “I won’t leave… But only cause you tackled me to the ground.”

Kairi nodded, hugging Vanitas back.

“I’m sorry for lying to you and for making you cry. Can you forgive me?”

Kairi nodded again. “J-Just… Don’t do it again!”

Vanitas smiled gently. “I won’t.”

Kairi pulled away and took his face in her hands. “You promise?”

“I promise!”

Kairi stared at Vanitas hard in the eyes before smiling and letting him go. “Good.”

“Oh, but princess?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you get off me please?”

Kairi turned bright red and quickly got up off Vanitas before holding her hand out towards him. “Sorry…”

Vanitas smiled and took Kairi’s hand and got up on his feet. “Let’s get you back inside and out of this creepy place so you can rest.” Vanitas re-opened the portal and led Kairi back inside the tower, not letting go of her hand.

He held the door open for her and waited as she settled in her bed.

“Okay, goodnight, princess. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“How do I know that you’re not going to leave?”

“I gave you my word that I wouldn’t.”

Kairi frowned.

Vanitas sighed. “If you want, I’ll stay here with you so when you wake up you’ll see that I’m still here.”

“Okay!”

This girl, despite being full of light, was very manipulative at times.

Vanitas sat at the edge of Kairi’s bed and leaned back on the palms of his hands.

“Hey, Vani?”

“What’s up princess?”

“After everything’s over, can we still be together?”

“If that’s what you want, then I’ll be with you until you get tired of me.”

“And if I never get tired of you?”

Vanitas looked at Kairi and saw that she was pink in the face. It was a very cute shade on her. Vanitas smiled and took her hand, lightly kissing it. “Then you’ll be stuck with me forever.”

Kairi smiled and nodded. “Forever it is!”

After a while, Kairi fell asleep and Vanitas moved to the floor and leaned against her bed, getting some rest as well. By the time morning came, Kairi saw he was still there and he went back to being her faithful shadow.

 

-

 

A couple more days passed and today was the day that everyone would venture into the darkness to save Aqua. Vanitas couldn’t help but feel dread as everyone prepared. He felt like something bad was about to happen, but this only made him more determined to keep Kairi safe. He wanted to experience more things with his newly found heart.

“Everyone ready?” Mickey asked.

Everyone nodded.

A portal to the darkness was opened and everyone ventured inside. They entered a shoreline that had dark sand and dark water. The only light that shone here was from the moon reflecting off the water.

“This is where Riku and I found Aqua the last time we were here.” Mickey said.

“She can’t be too far. Let’s go.” The Silver-haired boy named Riku said.

They all went looking for Aqua. Every step they took, more heartless would spawn. This place was festering with them and it made it difficult for them to make any progress. They came across a world that fell to darkness and has yet to be saved.

Aqua was there, waiting on a cliff overlooking the world as if she knew they would be there.

She turned to face them. “I see you brought friends.”

“Aqua, please. We want to help you.” Mickey pleaded.

“So now you want to help me?” Aqua chuckled. “I’m flattered… But like I said before. You’re too late. I’m one with the darkness now, there’s nothing you can do for me now…”

Kairi stepped forward. “Master Aqua, please, let us help.”

Aqua stared at Kairi, recognizing her instantly. “Kairi? You’re not supposed to be here.”

Kairi stepped closer to Aqua. “I wanted to help you. After that day you saved me 10 years ago, I always wanted to help however I can, but I was never strong enough. But now I am, and I want to save you Master Aqua.”

Aqua shook her head. “You shouldn’t be here! You need to leave!”

Aqua was beginning to sound like how she did 10 years ago.

Kairi continued to move closer to Aqua, holding her keyblade out in front her, the one that resembled flowers. “Please, let me help you this time.”

Vanitas noticed a shift in Aqua’s behavior. She was going to attack.

“Watch out!” Vanitas shouted at Kairi.

She must’ve heard because she blocked Aqua’s attack before jumping away.

“There’s no hope for me anymore! I’m one with the darkness now! If you won’t leave, then I’ll make you leave!” Aqua’s dark aura grew as countless heartless came in to attack.

Everyone fought off the heartless but as they killed one, two more would take its place. It was like fighting a hydra. This was a fight they couldn’t win, not here. Vanitas did his best to grant Kairi strength and power, but even she was beginning to grow tired. There was no light here, nothing to fuel Kairi’s powerful light. The only thing here was enough darkness to fully awaken the darkness in Kairi’s heart. Vanitas needed to get Kairi out of here.

Aqua stepped forward from the battles Kairi’s friends waged on the heartless and approached Kairi. “I always knew how powerful your light was. Even in a place like this it still glows brightly.” Aqua held her keyblade out towards Kairi before swinging it up. “Master Xehanort needs this light of yours again.” Aqua swung the blade down and Kairi was too tired to react, so Vanitas did in her stead.

He stepped out from her shadow and blocked Aqua’s attack, pushing her back.

“Vanitas…” Aqua growled.

“You remember me. I’m touched.”

There was an anger in Aqua’s eyes that sent chills down his spine. “This is your fault.”

“I won’t deny that. But you saved Kairi back then, and I owe it to her to help you.”

Aqua laughed. “So all of a sudden you’re good now? Since when did you decide to grow a heart?”

“When I first met Kairi.” Vanitas glanced at Kairi. “She was the first one to see me as an actual person. Not some tool to be used. She made me experience all sorts of emotions and made me realize that I really did have a heart.” Vanitas shifted his attention back to Aqua. “She’s the reason why I have a heart. She’s the only person I am living for!”

Aqua grinned. “How touching. But it’s too late now. I’ll never forgive you for what you did to us! To Ven! I’ll make you pay.”

Aqua came at Vanitas quickly. Both were denizens of darkness and in this place their strength was unlimited. Vanitas may have a heart now, but he would make the darkness work for him, not the other way around. 

The two of them were evenly matched, there was no end in sight for this match.

Aqua spawned a bunch of heartless on Vanitas which he quickly destroyed, but Aqua was no longer there.

Vanitas quickly looked around. Where did she go?

Kairi yelped out in pain.

Vanitas quickly looked back and saw Aqua stepping on Kairi’s throat, holding her keyblade high above Kairi. Aqua swung the keyblade down.

“Kairi!” Vanitas quickly rushed over there and used his body to block the attack. The keyblade pierced right through him. There was a quick moment of pain, but then he started to grow numb. He fell to the floor.

“Vanitas!” Kairi cried out.

Aqua stepped back. “Hm, he really did have a heart. Shame.”

Kairi crawled over to Vanitas, cradling his head in her lap.

“You okay, princess?” He asked weakly.

Kairi nodded. “You said my name.”

Vanitas smiled. “I like princess better.”

Kairi smiled before tears started to fall down her face. 

Her friends finally took notice of what was going on and stared at the two of them in confusion.

“What’s Vanitas doing here?” Sora asked.

“You’re okay, right?” Vanitas asked.

Kairi nodded.

“That’s good…” Vanitas could feel himself fading fast. “I’m sorry, I guess I can’t keep my promise to you.”

Kairi shook her head. “Don’t say that. You’re going to be fine! You have a heart now, you’ll be okay!”

“I may have a heart, but I don’t think I’m going to be okay.”

Kairi sniffled. She knew this but didn’t want to come to terms with it.

“But you’re right about one thing… I do have a heart now. I’ll always be with you, even if you can’t see me. I’ll continue to be your shadow, but inside your heart.” Vanitas reached a shaky hand out towards Kairi and lightly touched her face. “Thank you for everything, princess. I promise one day, I’ll come back to you, as long as you remember me.”

Kairi took his hand in hers and nodded. “I’ll be waiting! I promise!”

Vanitas smiled. “I know you will, but you also gotta keep smiling for me, okay? I really like your smile.”

Kairi was doing everything in her power to not break down on the spot. She took a deep breath before giving Vanitas a final smile.

“Atta girl… You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Just hang in there for me until I get back.”

Kairi nodded again, still smiling.

Vanitas could feel himself hanging on by a thread. He had one more thing to give Kairi. He lightly touched her keyblade and her keyblade combined with his to create a new keyblade. “A little something to remember me by. Think of it as a promise to return.”

Kairi stared at the keyblade, amazed by how it looked. “You better come back, you hear me?”

Vanitas nodded. “I will, I know better than to get you angry.”

Vanitas stared at Kairi one last time before closing his eyes. Thank you, Kairi. I love you.

Vanitas was greeted by a flash of warm light. So this is what it was like to be in Kairi’s heart.

 

-

 

Kairi sat on the hanging Papou fruit tree, watching the sunset. After Vanitas’ sacrifice, Kairi used the light to save Aqua and bring her home. She also explained everything to everyone about her and Vanitas. Because of their relationship, everyone worried about her well-being so they sent her, Sora, and Riku back home to relax for a bit.

Kairi looked down and summoned her keyblade. It was different from her first one, but still had some of its original features mixed in with the features of Vanitas’ keyblade.

She smiled. She did feel a little lonely at times, not having Vanitas around, but she knew that he was still here with her. His heart was now with hers. He would always be her shadow, looking out for her, even if she didn’t realize it.

“Kairi? You ready to go?” Sora called from the beach, the gummi ship was parked there.

“Yeah! I’ll be there right now!” Kairi leapt off the tree and made her way back to Sora and Riku. They still had a lot more things to do. Kairi could feel the darkness in her heart growing stronger but she would remember what Vanitas told her. She’ll make the darkness work for her, not the other way around. She’ll use it to save everyone and stop Xehanort. So when Vanitas comes back, he can experience his heart to the fullest. Everything Kairi did from here on out, would be for Vanitas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried while writing this. That was the first time I cried because of something I wrote... Or I'm just too emotional...


End file.
